The Advice given by My Dad Which Helped Me when I became a Brand-New Father

"I think I was just just surviving for a year."

Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the difficulties of fatherhood.

However the actual experience soon turned out to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health issues around the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver while also looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I handled every night time, every change… every stroll. The duty of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After eleven months he burnt out. It was a talk with his own dad, on a public seat, that made him realise he needed help.

The direct phrases "You aren't in a good spot. You need some help. In what way can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His situation is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. While society is now better used to addressing the pressure on moms and about PND, far less attention is paid about the struggles fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his challenges are linked to a larger inability to talk amongst men, who continue to hold onto harmful perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and remains standing every time."

"It's not a sign of weakness to ask for help. I didn't do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - particularly in front of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental state is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the opportunity to ask for a respite - spending a couple of days overseas, outside of the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he needed to make a shift to consider his and his partner's emotions alongside the day-to-day duties of looking after a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she longed for" -physical connection and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he matures.

Ryan believes these will enable his son better understand the expression of feelings and make sense of his parenting choices.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, deep-held emotional pain resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "terrible decisions" when he was younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the anguish.

"You gravitate to behaviours that don't help," he says. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end make things worse."

Tips for Coping as a New Father

• Share with someone - when you are under pressure, speak to a friend, your partner or a professional what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the activities that made you feel like you before the baby arrived. Examples include playing sport, socialising or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the body - eating well, staying active and where possible, sleep, all play a role in how your mind is doing.
• Meet other new dads - sharing their journeys, the challenges, as well as the good ones, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that seeking help does not mean you've failed - taking care of you is the best way you can care for your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead offer the security and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - expressing the feelings constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men because they faced their struggles, transformed how they talk, and learned to manage themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I wrote, on occasion I feel like my purpose is to instruct and tell you on life, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am discovering as much as you are in this journey."