I Was the ‘Penis and Vagina’ Kid from Kindergarten Cop: A Look Back.

The Austrian Oak is best known as an action movie legend. However, at the height of his cinematic dominance in the eighties and nineties, he also headlined several surprisingly great comedies. The standout film is Kindergarten Cop, which marks its three-and-a-half decade milestone this winter.

The Story and That Line

In the 1990 movie, Schwarzenegger plays a undercover cop who poses as a kindergarten teacher to catch a killer. For much of the movie, the investigation plot acts as a basic structure for Schwarzenegger to have charming interactions with kids. Arguably the most famous involves a child named Joseph, who out of nowhere announces and declares the former bodybuilder, “Males have a penis, and girls get a vagina.” Arnold deadpans, “Thank you for that information.”

That iconic child was brought to life by youth performer Miko Hughes. Beyond this role included a notable part on Full House playing the antagonist to the child stars and the character of the resurrected boy in the 1989 adaptation of Stephen King’s Pet Sematary. Hughes remains active today, with multiple films on the horizon. Furthermore, he frequently attends the con circuit. Not long ago recalled his recollections from the filming of the classic 35 years later.

A Young Actor's Perspective

Q: To begin, how old were you when you filmed Kindergarten Cop?

Miko Hughes: I believe I was four. I was the smallest of all the kids on set.

Wow, I can't remember being four. Do you remember anything from that time?

Yeah, somewhat. They're brief images. They're like visual recollections.

Do you recall how you landed the job in Kindergarten Cop?

My mother, mainly would take me to auditions. Often it was an open call. There'd be dozens of children and we'd all simply wait around, go into the room, be in there briefly, read a small part they wanted and then leave. My parents would coach me on the dialogue and then, as soon as I could read, that was some of the first material I was reading.

Do you have an impression of meeting Arnold? What was your feeling about him?

He was very kind. He was enjoyable. He was nice, which arguably makes sense. It would have been odd if he was mean to all the kids in the classroom, that probably wouldn't make for a productive set. He was great to work with.

“It would have been odd if he was a dick to all the kids in the classroom.”

I was aware he was a huge celebrity because my family informed me, but I had never really seen his movies. I felt the importance — he was a big deal — but he didn't really intimidate me. He was just fun and I just wanted to play with him when he was available. He was occupied, of course, but he'd sometimes engage here and there, and we would dangle from his limbs. He'd flex and we'd be holding on. He was exceptionally kind. He gifted all the students in the classroom a personal stereo, which at the time was a major status symbol. This was the coolest device, that distinctive classic yellow cassette player. I used to rock out to the Power Rangers soundtrack and the Ninja Turtles soundtrack for years on that thing on that thing. It finally gave out. I also received a authentic coach's whistle. He had the referee's whistle, and the kids all were gifted copies as well.

Do you remember your experience as being positive?

You know, it's interesting, that movie was this cultural thing. It was such a big movie, and it was such an amazing experience, and you would think, as an adult, I would want my memories to be of working with Arnold, the legendary director, visiting Astoria, being on a professional set, but my memories are of being a really picky eater at lunch. For instance, they got everyone pizza, but I didn't even like pizza. All I would eat was the pepperoni off the top. Then, the original Game Boy was just released. That was the coolest toy, and I was proficient. I was the smallest kid and some of the other children would bring me their Game Boys to pass certain levels on games because I was able to, and I was really proud of that. So, it's all little kid memories.

That Famous Quote

OK, that specific dialogue, do you remember how it happened? Did you grasp the meaning?

At the time, I probably didn't know what the word shocking meant, but I knew it was provocative and it caused the crew to chuckle. I knew it was kind of something I wasn't supposed to do, but I was given special permission in this case because it was comedic.

“My mom thought hard about it.”

How it was conceived, from what I understand, was they didn't have specific roles. Certain bits of dialogue were written into the script, but once they had the entire ensemble assembled, it wasn't pure improvisation, but they worked on it while filming and, I suppose it's either the director or producers came to my mom and said, "There's a concept. We want Miko to have this line. Are you okay with this?" My mom paused. She said, "I need to consider this, I'll decide tomorrow" and took a short while. It was a tough call for her. She said she was hesitant, but she felt it could end up as one of the most memorable lines from the movie and she was right.